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Bozo Criminal for August 19, 2008
Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Myers Beach, Florida, where bozo Christopher Clark broke into a restaurant, setting off the burglar alarm. He didn't let a little thing like an alarm deter him and went about his business looking for a bottle of booze to take home. When the security company called to check on the alarm, he answered the phone and gave the operator his real name but left with a bottle of Gran Marnier before the police arrived.

Things might have worked out OK for him except for one little thing. For reasons known only to the Bozo Mind, he returned to the same restaurant the very next morning. An employee recognized him from the security tape and called the cops.

He's under arrest.

It's been a few days without bozos, so here's a triple-feature! ;-) Bozo Criminal for August 20, 2008 Bozo criminal for today comes from Stoystown, Pennsylvania, where bozo Robert Stafford was pulled over by the cops after he was seen driving with a broken taillight. As the officer approached, our bozo jumped out of the car and fled into the nearby woods. It was then he hatched his bozo plan. He went home, shaved off his mustache, changed his clothes and called the cops to report his car had been stolen. As luck would have it, the same officer was sent to his house to investigate the reported theft. Guess his new look wasn't that different after all. The officer recognized him and charged him with drunken driving, escape and related charges. Bozo Criminal for August 21, 2008 Bozo criminal for today comes from Elko, Nevada, where bozo Charles Harrigan called the local Pizza Hut and tried to extort $500 out of them, telling the manager he had five Pizza Hut signs that are used on the roofs of delivery cars and wouldn't return them unless he got the cash. The manager wanted proof he actually had the signs, so he asked for a photo. Our bozo snapped a shot with his cell phone camera and sent it over. Sure enough, in the picture were the five Pizza Hut signs. Also in the background of the picture was our bozo's vehicle, complete with a clear shot of his license plate. Busted! No word on whether they arrested him in 30 minutes or less. Bozo Criminal for August 22, 2008 Bozo criminals for today come from Alexandria, Louisiana, where bozos Charles Hampton and Debbie Alberts got into an argument over whether a friend should be allowed to stay at their house overnight. The argument escalated until bozo Debbie finally resorted to using the most unusual bozo weapon ever. She picked up a barbeque pit and hit bozo Charles over the head with it. Charles was able to shake it off and retaliated by hitting Debbie over the head with the same barbeque pit. She then took the pit and threw it through the back window of the prospective guest's car. It was then that the cops were called. Both bozos are now under arrest, which is the pits.

Computer Stupidity of the Day
Client's comment when designing the cover of his company brochure: "Make it internetty!"

Me: (thinking) "I did not know that 'internetty' was a design style. I guess that means I should add a mouse pointer to the design?" (out loud) "Can you describe 'internetty' more fully to me?"

The outcome? I added a mouse pointer to the design and he was happy.

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Client: Why isn't the site live as agreed?
Me: Because I am waiting for the last bit of text from you.
Client: Oh, can't we go live without it?
Me: Do you want to advertise a site that has no information on it?
Client: What difference does it make? All my customers are stupid.

Bozo Criminal for August 26, 2008
Bozo criminal for today comes from Portland, Oregon, where bozo former police officer Edward Lucas has been accused of covering his face in makeup, putting on a phony mustache and sunglasses, and placing a fake explosive device in the bathroom of a bank. He then demanded money from a teller, escaping with a small amount of cash.

But it was after he was captured that he assured his place in the Bozo Hall of Fame.

The former police officer told investigators that he never intended to rob the bank. He just wanted to get the feel of what it was like to be a bank robber for a police training video that he planned to produce.

I've neglected this thread for a while - so here's a bozo triple feature! ;-)

Bozo Criminal for August 27, 2008
From Las Cruces, New Mexico, comes the story of bozo Gregory Randall who broke into the local library through a window. For unknown reasons, our bozo was not able to get out of the library the same way he came in, so he instead tried the front door. Unfortunately for our bozo, it was only after he had walked through the first set of doors and they had locked behind them that he noticed the front door leading outside was locked. Now, finding himself trapped like a rat in the entryway of the library, our bozo did the only thing he knew to do. He called 911 for help. The police were nice enough to come by and free him before locking him up.

Bozo Criminal for August 28, 2008
Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule number 8787 which clearly states that you should always obtain a getaway vehicle that will go faster than five miles per hour. From Gastonia, North Carolina, comes the story of bozo John Wilbanks who drove up to a gas station, filled up, and left without paying. The attendant was on the lookout for gas thieves and called the cops who arrived and busted our bozo before he got more than 100 yards down the road. Did we mention our bozo was driving a stolen vehicle? A riding lawn mower. He's been charged with theft.

Bozo Criminal for August 29, 2008
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Seville, Spain, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who thought he had the perfect alibi. He was being questioned by the police about the robbery of a taxi driver. Our bozo responded that he could not have committed the crime since he was "out picking pockets" that night. Oops. He's looking at ten years in jail for theft.

Computer Stupidity of the Day
I was working for a pretty crappy ad newspaper, as a designer. Shortly after I got the job, my boss told me: "I want creativity! I want vision. You are young, I want to see all your new ideas."

No problem. I did everything to make the ads look great. Then he comes, looks at them, and says: "Naaah, these are awful! We want these to look extravagant! We want them to stick out from the paper! This purple background begs for a touch of light neon green!"

Me: *gasps; has a heart attack; quits shortly afterward*

Computer Stupidity of the Day
Designing website for a vocational school; this was a medium-sized site, with lots of pictures, PDFs of catalog, etc...

Client: I really love it. But... can you change the color or the headers? I think the red is making it load too slow... won't black make it load faster?

Me: Ummm... no.

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Client: Can we change the text to grey? The background to grey and...grey the products too?

Me: You mean you wanna change it to a black and white ad?

Client: No, I want it grey...

Me: No colours?

Client: Isn't grey a colour?!

Me: Yeah...

Client: Duh!

*sighs*

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Client: "Why can't you make something right now? Can't you just PLOP something on there?"

Bozo Criminal for September 1, 2008 Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Bucharest, Romania, where two bozo burglars thought they were doing the right thing when they put socks on their hands to avoid leaving behind fingerprints when they robbed a cellular phone store. This could possibly have been a good idea if they had used clean socks. Instead, they took their old, smelly socks off their feet and put them on their hands. A police dog was able to track them down from the smell of those socks and they were placed under arrest less than two hours later.

Bozo Criminal for September 2, 2008
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today's report. From Tampa, Florida, comes the story of bozo Lorenzo Cook who broke into a vehicle at the mall and grabbed a $500 digital camera before being spotted by the car's owner. Our bozo then took off, leaving behind a shoe and the screwdriver he used to break into the vehicle, but his biggest problem was his choice of a hiding place. He sought refuge in a portable toilet on a nearby construction site. Unfortunately, the car's owner and a friend were hot on his heels and they simply tipped over the port-a-potty, effectively locking him inside until the police arrived. After a quick hose down, he was placed under arrest.